Saturday, July 05, 2008

Old Dog, New trick

Peal a banana from the bottom and you do not get the stringy things on it. I did not know that. Strange how easily I am amused anymore.

How do they know?
Lately it seems like hundreds of folks are sending me information on how to enlarge my penis.

Sometimes they guess wrong!
Along with a bigger dick I can also get out of debt a hundred different ways. Guess what I am not in debt.

Cheap gas, better mileage!!!
If only it was true. But it must be they send me enough info on it.

Gift Cards!
I can go shopping at any number of big box stores with the thousands of dollars in free gift cards I get .

Do I look like I need a date?
I did not know there were so many women and some men just waiting for me to call!

Real Estate cheap!
I can buy homes for under $1,000 and resell them for fuck I don't know millions I guess.

Mud built up in my intestines.
Sounds bad but now I can clean it out and be 20 pounds lighter.

I can now get rid of it. Did not know I had it but for fucks sakes I can cure it now.

A freaking fortune to be made.
If I chose not to get rich with cheap property I can elect several other ways of doing without leaving home I might add.

Unwanted hair, want hair
This can go either way, I can point you in the right direction.

Better memory
I don't recall right now if I am forgetting shit or not.

Run it
solar, water, french fry grease, wind, animal ass gas, you name it, Oil Smoil, who needs it!

Let's recap:
I can now zip up my pants over my HUGE penis, hop in my French fry smelling car, getting great mileage, pick up my date, take them to my new house, after we shop at ,Lowes, Home Depot, Kohls,, J.C. Penneys, or somewhere else even if I overspend the gift cards not to worry . I just use my get out of debt free card.
You better believe I am hot too, new hair on my head, hair gone from my back, toenails look so fucking good I am wearing sandals, my abs are ripped, I am making money hand over fist. When the date is over I remember your name, where we went, and what we did.

The best part my banana has no strings attached!!


Claudia said...

* bursts out laughing * Dude, you could have it ALL! WOOT! But watch out zipping your pants - - that big dick of yours might get caught up in the teeth and I am pretty sure there is no email with pain relief for zipper dick, well, I have not gotten one yet, anyways...*winks*

MarmiteToasty said...

hahahahahaah LMFAO fanks for these just before I go to bed right knackered lol

I must be tired cos I read..

Mud built up in my intestines.

'Mud built up in my testicles'

Time for bed I finks LMFAO lol


doggybloggy said...

but what about the millions and millions you could get from that person in africa if you just send them $2000

Monica said...

LOL! I almost look forward to the spam some days because it is so entertaining.

RED MOJO said...

This is very funny. I love the banana thing, my penis is already big enough!

Kati said...

*snort & snicker* Gods..... I'm glad to hear that you're at least able to keep a sense of humor over the ridiculousness sent through email. Also laughing over Claudia's comment. *grin*

Ahhhh Slip, I hope you're enjoying "retirement". Not that it sounds like you ever actually slow down. *wink*

Have a FABULOUS week!

Ol' Lady said...

When I was a kid I thought my name was 'occupant' my mother always gave me the junk mail...addressed 'To The Occupant'

Dragonfly Dreaming said...

Miss you. :(

Bina said...

That is so freaking funny! And here I thought I was the ONLY one that got those emails. I'm not special anymore I guess. Oh well.

Merelyme said...

LOL you are hysterical...i will have this image of you for a long time now. is that a banana in your pocket or are ya just happy to see me?