Saturday, July 05, 2008

Old Dog, New trick

Peal a banana from the bottom and you do not get the stringy things on it. I did not know that. Strange how easily I am amused anymore.

How do they know?
Lately it seems like hundreds of folks are sending me information on how to enlarge my penis.

Sometimes they guess wrong!
Along with a bigger dick I can also get out of debt a hundred different ways. Guess what I am not in debt.

Cheap gas, better mileage!!!
If only it was true. But it must be they send me enough info on it.

Gift Cards!
I can go shopping at any number of big box stores with the thousands of dollars in free gift cards I get .

Do I look like I need a date?
I did not know there were so many women and some men just waiting for me to call!

Real Estate cheap!
I can buy homes for under $1,000 and resell them for fuck I don't know millions I guess.

Mud built up in my intestines.
Sounds bad but now I can clean it out and be 20 pounds lighter.

I can now get rid of it. Did not know I had it but for fucks sakes I can cure it now.

A freaking fortune to be made.
If I chose not to get rich with cheap property I can elect several other ways of doing without leaving home I might add.

Unwanted hair, want hair
This can go either way, I can point you in the right direction.

Better memory
I don't recall right now if I am forgetting shit or not.

Run it
solar, water, french fry grease, wind, animal ass gas, you name it, Oil Smoil, who needs it!

Let's recap:
I can now zip up my pants over my HUGE penis, hop in my French fry smelling car, getting great mileage, pick up my date, take them to my new house, after we shop at ,Lowes, Home Depot, Kohls,, J.C. Penneys, or somewhere else even if I overspend the gift cards not to worry . I just use my get out of debt free card.
You better believe I am hot too, new hair on my head, hair gone from my back, toenails look so fucking good I am wearing sandals, my abs are ripped, I am making money hand over fist. When the date is over I remember your name, where we went, and what we did.

The best part my banana has no strings attached!!

I Came, I Saw, I Sawed Some More

It must be the saw dust they smell. The past ten days have been spent running my saw mill, and I will run it about ten more to get caught up. This is an all out attack on the piles of logs that I have at the flat farm. I want to move the saw to the hill farm.

It all started when a friend referred someone to me that needed a 32 foot long 8x8 beam. After talking to the guy about what he needed I ended up consulting on his renovation project and cut him four large beams for his project and delivered same to the work site. So I ended up making some cash, he got what he needed for a good price, and we both made a contact that will serve us well. There are several mill operators around my "Hill Farm," but none can cut a 35 footer so I corner the market.

My log piles are quite a mixed bag, hard wood, pine, long and short logs, some big fat mojos, and some not so fat but of veneer quality. I cut the beams from white ash and it takes one hell of a tree to get an 8x8 that is 32 feet long, and I needed four beams the shortest 19 feet. This process produced approximately 1500 board feet of very, very, nice one inch thick white ash boards besides the four beams!

Sawing is not the most work when you run a mill. Sticker stacking the raw lumber to dry is! I set the saw up, make a pass with the blade, remove the outside pieces to get one squared up side, turn the log 90 degrees, reclamp it to the table and square the second side to the first. After that it gets easier because the log when turned now lands on a flat side for the last two sides. I use a tractor with forks to load, turn, and position the logs on the saw. After the log is squared up I start to get flat boards that need resawed to get straight edges so those go off to the side to be put back on the table after the log come off. There is a saw made for this purpose but I don't own one, YET!

As the passes are made through the log it gets shaped into a rectangle and boards that do not need resawed get pulled off for stacking. To stack them you need to make stickers to place between the boards so the air can flow. Placing the stickers even is the most important step to get straight boards, they should all line up. So let me do some math here. If you want to stack 20 boards 20 feet long you need to place the stickers every two feet so you need 200 stickers! I get stickers when I put the boards with the rounded edges back on the table. I cut mine two inches longer then the width of the boards I am stacking.

That is a bit about what it takes to get lumber from trees! How I get trees to become logs to saw into boards is another story. Everything I have been cutting the last ten days were less then free. Less then free? How can that be? Two ways, number one I get paid to remove trees, stumps, and do lot preps, I bring them home. Number two, we have several out of town tree services that are doing FEMA work around here after one horrific storm here in October 2006. I take the logs, chips, and chunks, and charge them by the size of the load. So like I said, "Less Then Free!"

Back to the boarding story: So after the boards come off the saw all squared up they have to be stacked. By this time they have been man handles twice already, by me if I am working alone. The bitches are heavy as they have not dried yet. I will sticker the shorter boards (14 feet or less) right on the forks as they come off the saw, as these fit my doorway into my drying barn. The longer ones Have to be handled again, stickered where I am stacking them. By fall if the hot weather holds most of the ash lumber will be ready for the planer.

Today I start sawing a stack of large black pine logs. Most of this will be cut into 2 inch material for framing lumber. This can be used right away and left to dry in whatever you build with it. If it is to stand around it needs to be stickered. I can leave them outside the rain won't hurt them and I will band them up to make them easier to load on the truck and take to the hill farm.

The ash boards are going to be pegged plank flooring and some will become the beaded ceiling over the loft at the "Hill Farm!" The planks will get sized, planed, and run through the shaper to add a bevel to the edges and a half lap. Then they get step drilled. I fasten them with screws and cover the screws with a dowel that gets sanded after installation. Beautiful light colored, very durable hardwood floors are the result. Once it is in you forget the hard work it took to get there!

Have I told you about the spalted maple counter tops I have in mind for the kitchen? I think they will be a hit with hickory cupboards. This home building from the trees down is the bomb!